March 8, 2011

I look better without bangs.

People ask me all the time if I regret the choices I have made for my daughter. My quick answer is no, I don't have any regrets. Then I will observe our friends in the deaf community. They are a wonderful group of people. One observation I have made is that the majority of those that are working in their chosen profession are verbal.  I am not saying nonverbal deaf can't have a good job in their chosen profession, this is just my observation in the area where I live. So it got me to thinking, "Do I regret the choices I have made for my daughter?"

While getting ready for my day, I looked in the mirror to do my makeup and the thought came to mind that I look way better without bangs. My next thought was, "How I wish I could go back and not have bangs when I was growing up." I would have looked so much better in comparison. Now with these thoughts in mind, I could sit around and obsess all day about the "what ifs" of life, or I could live. I can't change my Senior year pictures to ones of me without bangs, and I can't go back 6 years and decide that raising my daughter oral is better.

Okay, so maybe the worst analogy ever, but my point is this, if we constantly focus and fuss over the things we SHOULD have done, we miss opportunities for what we COULD be doing. I love having hair that is all one length and easy to maintain, and I love that my daughter is well adjusted and happy. For now,  that is all that matters. If we come to a point in her path that doesn't seem to be working, we will find a different path that will work. We will continue to build her with confidence through love and support. We will teach and encourage her to advocate for herself and be humble enough to ask for help when she needs it.

We all have things we would like to change in our lives. But it is those very things that have made us who we are. If we made a different choice 6 years ago I would have a very different life, and I can not imagine my life without the many people that are in it today. They have all impacted my life in significant ways and given me experiences I cherish. So, to answer my own question, after giving it much thought I can say with confidence and no doubt, I don't regret it. It was one of the best choice we ever made.


  1. Well said.

    Come to think of it I maybe would have had an easier time in my youth if I didn't spend my sixteenth year experimenting with a mohawk and pink hair but if I didn't I wonder if I would have had the courage to be who I am today?

    I respect your honest approach and open mind. We pick the first path for our children and then we follow. It has always been my journey to accept that.

  2. Yes, it is always interesting to see where other people's different choices have led them. But you're wise to not second-guess. Her experience is individual. What's right for one person isn't necessarily right for another. The experience you are giving her simply by making sure she HAS LANGUAGE, which lots of deaf kids don't get until later and can't use with their families, is HUGE. That alone assures her success, in my opinion.

    I have seen oral deaf with good jobs, but I have also seen brilliant, educated, signing deaf with good jobs. It's those who are caught in between--raised & educated somewhere between the hearing world and the deaf world, but not fitting in either one--who are cheated of success. But your daughter has it all, in my opinion!

  3. Ditto Jennifers comment. She's right,and Savannah is so lucky to be in your family!!

  4. Haddy2Dogs! Pink hair and Mohawk! My hero!

    Tricia, I keep re-reading "One observation I have made is that the majority of those that are working in their chosen profession are verbal. I am not saying nonverbal deaf can't have a good job in their chosen profession, this is just my observation in the area where I live."

    I have been trying to analyze why such is the case. Certainly, it isn't for the lack of trying on my friend's part. It wasn't for the lack of trying on my part. Yes, I finally obtained a career in my chosen profession, but only after 2 years and 400 applications or so... and I'm proud to say, I didn't get hired based on my disability, I got hired based on my merit and skill-set. And I'm verbal. I can only imagine how my non-verbal friends have to deal with this.

    However, there is a flip-side to this thought process... Do these non-verbal kids dream beyond their known world of sign? Do they fall in love with science or math or literature and grow up wanting to become the next Albert Einstein or Bill Nye the Science Guy? More often than not, when I ask a non-verbal deaf child what they want to be when they grow up, their answers are: a deaf teacher, a deaf actor, a deaf counselor.

    This is great if that's what they truly want to become, but I have to think, they answer this because this is what they know. Do they see the others, others living outside the "Deaf" world and just in the world, with all their hopes and dreams, and just being themselves, not attached to a label?